Category: Joke Board
Didn’t think ol’ uncle jw had it in him
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Men vs. Women
Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences
Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or
hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read
a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the
end of the note.
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys
those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer.
Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a
man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's
car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express
lane.
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends,
and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with
her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at
3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know
you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total
floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known
as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made
at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over
this need.
Sex:
Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place
part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as
adults.
Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other
wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
Magazines:
Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at
the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the
female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and
should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
Bathrooms:
Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
cannot identify most of these items.